A message to the Stoners.

To Thee Immortal

I know most of you won’t get to see this. I’m hoping you do though. Life has a funny way of forcing us to grow up doesn’t it? Most of us never see it coming. We just go through the phases. Living, hoping each day that comes, feels better than the days that have passed.

In our every day struggles, life erodes us and waters us, and plants new seeds of hope. And ironically, seeds of doubt too. Are we where we’re supposed to be in life? Is there more waiting for us? Is there more we’re supposed to be doing? Are we happy? Not in the fake movie fallacy of bliss, but are we, truly happy? With ourselves and our respective situations? Will there be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after the storm passes? Will there be a rainbow?

I can’t answer that for you. Fuck, I struggle to answer that question for myself. All I know is, if I’m a better person today than I was the day before, my tomorrow might just be a little brighter. If I’m a better brother today, my younger siblings might be better people than I ever could be. If I’m a better friend today, my friends might be better friends to me tomorrow. I can only live with this hope.

My friend DT took her own life. And I can’t start to imagine what she felt in her last moments. I wish I could have had one last conversation with her five minutes before. Maybe she wouldn’t have done something that still feels rash to me. Maybe I could have said bye properly...

I took her for granted. And I regret that every time I think of her.

But I’m here. For you. Perhaps not, physically but I am in spirit. I made this for you. I don’t know who you are yet but I wrote this for you.

Sometimes when I smoke the nicotine heals my every crack. Most times, it opens those cracks the fuck up. My addiction is my sickness. I wish the people who tell me to quit knew this. My highest highs stem from my lowest lows, and these days, the lows are a lot more than the highs.

They’re going to judge you for chasing your high. For taking more pain killers than necessary, for chasing your cough syrup with your sprite, for rolling your blunt. They always will. They don’t understand that you feel stuck so you’d rather get ‘stuck.’ They don’t understand.

But I do...

I just hope you live long enough to see it all behind you.

I made this music so it acts as your crutch. I know you’re on one drug or another. I heard somewhere that the biggest drug is love. That’s what I bring packaged to you in these EPs. Love. I pray you overdose on it.

I hope the music heals all your anxieties. I hope the blunt cures you.

Love
Indigo Saint